In The Midnight Hour
by LadyAshh
Summary: He wants her to wrap her arms around him tightly like she doesn't want to let him go … He knows he wouldn't want to. He wants her to feel safe there, in his arms. He wants her and it hurts.


**A/N: I'm going to call this post 47 Seconds.**

* * *

It starts out as a simple longing, a desperate need for something he knows he can't have … will probably never have, but he needs to get the words out.

He's fantasizing he knows, fantasizing about her in all the ways he can't have her and it hurts, but he needs to finish this chapter, needs to get it sent off and out of his mind, maybe tonight he can sleep.

His fingers fly over the keys quickly, trying to distance himself from the words he types out as much as possible, tries to distance himself from her. That much, he knows isn't possible, but still he tries.

He finishes finally, clicks send without reading it over, he couldn't.

He shuffles into his room, it's a little after 12 when he falls into his bed and he just knows he won't be able to sleep for a while.

He's not tired, it makes no sense he tries, so he lies on his back, his hands behind his head and stares up at the ceiling.

It starts out as a dull ache, an ache that's always been there from the day he realized just how much he wanted her. How much he loves her. He's never felt this way about anybody before and he's not sure what to do with it, it's not what he's used to and he doesn't like it.

He sighs heavily and turns on his side, willing the pain in his chest to go away, the constricted feeling that makes it hard to breathe, hard to think.

It hurts.

It's growing, it's not ache anymore the more he thinks, it's reaching every part of him in a way that makes him want to call her, makes him want to tell her everything, tell her how he feels, but instead he clenches his fists under his pillow and remains where he is.

What would be the point anyways? She knows how he feels and she doesn't …

It hurts a lot and he's not sure what to do with himself for the next few hours he lies awake.

He tries not to think about her, tries to not feed the painful, raw feeling that runs through him leaving him feeling hopeless … almost pathetic.

He thinks about her smile. Her actual smile, when she's all teeth and sometimes her tongue sticks out between them when she's trying not to laugh. He loves that smile, does anything he can to see it.

He thinks about her eyes, thinks about how they change shades depending on how she feels. He loves looking into them, getting lost in her warm eyes that hold so much she will never say. He loves the way they soften when she deals with victims' families and even him sometimes.

He thinks of her, of the moments they've had. Touches and glances, near death experiences that bring them closer together, but not quite as close as he'd like. He thinks of conversations they have sometimes, when they're not discussing the case. Thinks of the little things she allows herself to say, thinks of little jokes they've made.

It makes him smile to think of her, of moments they've shared and he wants more. He wants to be able to just go to her whenever and take what he needs and allow her to do the same, but he can't … because she doesn't …

He wants her badly, wants her everything. He wants her anger, he wants her irritation, he wants her rage, he wants her love, he just wants her.

But he can't have her.

He wants a hug.

It's a simple thing, but still so very intimate, especially for them, they don't do that much and right now his fingers twitch for her, his body yearns to have her wrapped up in him in the most innocent of ways.

He wants to feel her against him, he wants to feel her heartbeat, to smell the intoxicating scent of cherries that haunt his dreams. He wants to wrap his arms around her and hold her to him, he wants her to want the same. He wants her to wrap her arms around him tightly like she doesn't want to let him go … He knows he wouldn't want to. He wants her to feel safe there, in his arms.

He wants her and it hurts.

It's after 4 before he knows it and he's succeeded in physically hurting, feeling suffocated and empty and desperate.

He wipes the tears at his eyes and buries his face in the pillow, willing himself to just go to sleep and just forget for a few hours, although he knows he'll be back to this in the morning.

He doesn't know if he can go into the precinct tomorrow, doesn't know if he can risk being so close to her and know that he can't have her, he doesn't think he can handle it, he knows he can't.

He screws his eyes shut and takes deep breaths, hoping it will help calm the feeling in his chest, calm him enough for him to fall asleep.

And eventually he does, but he dreams of her. He dreams of them together, he dreams of her being happy with him. He dreams of so much, but he knows it's just that … a dream.

A dream of Kate.

And it hurts.

 **End A/N: Does this seem OOC? I hope not. This was basically my night and I felt like I had to write about it somehow … but only as we all know, Castle actually has a chance here.**

 **Any and all mistakes are mine, my apologies.**


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